In Which Yet Another Thing is Railed Against

They bill it as a great service you're doing for the environment. Save paper! Save trees! Switch to paperless billing! Greater convenience for you, plus it's good for the environment! Win win win!

But of course the thing they really care about (and here I'm talking about anyone who sends you a bill) is that if they don't have to send a paper bill anymore, they save on the paper, the printing, the postage. It's cheaper for them--that's the only reason they suddenly care so much about the environment.

I tried to avoid paperless billing, simply because my particular bill-payment system depends on having a physical object in front of me in a particular place. The due date is written on the outside of the envelope, and once paid, it goes elsewhere. Simple, clean, effective. And if it's marginally worse for the environment, in this case I can live with that.

But when Bank of America started offering eBills, they seemed a handy way to create a backup plan. If the mail lost a bill, I'd see it when I logged onto BOA. Here's the thing, though...

Very often, in the fine print, when you sign up for an eBill through your bank, you simultaneously agree that paper bills will stop coming. This is particularly true with utility companies--they love that little trick.

Last month, after realizing that Bank of America is vicious and evil, I switched banks. All my eBills were, of course, left behind. I figured I'd just have to set up new eBilling with my new bank, which would be a pain, but it was worth it to be free of BOA.

The catch didn't occur to me till the deed was already done. How do you set up new eBilling if you don't have the account number? The account number would be written on any paper bill, but of course I haven't gotten a paper bill from those guys in months or years.

But wait, it gets better. I called the local natural-gas company this afternoon to (a) find out what the hell my damn account number is, and to (b) get them to put me back on paper billing. And what do you think they told me?

"To reinstate paper billing you'll have to contact the bank through which you instituted paperless billing." Yes, you read that right, the local utility that is the provider of the service claims they cannot send a paper bill, that I have to go through BOA to get a damn bill of any kind.

I tried calling BOA. They're closed.

I can't log in to the gas company's website, either--suddenly they don't recognize the password or user name I set up ages ago--won't even accept the account number they had just read off to me.

Paperless billing. To hell with the environment. It's only good for them, it does you no damn good at all. Don't believe the hype; a little convenience now could very well become massive inconvenience down the road.