Compare and Contrast

All right, class, now listen up: here is your--Ashley, please put that away--here is your assignment. Two famous people just died, so we are going to--Ashley, I said to, okay, thank you--we are going to compare and contrast. So open up your laptops, pick whichever websites most appeal to you--please don't all use Wikipedia, okay?--and let's discuss--Ashley! Please!--let's compare and contrast our two recent dearly departed: James Brown and Gerald R. Ford.

What's that? Yes, I know, celebrities usually die in threes, but no third person seems to have offered themselves up to complete the troika, so--it's a word, look it up, Ashley, you know how to do that, right?--so we're just going to limit ourselves to these two. Of course, heh, you know, if there were going to be a third, given how completely unlike Ford and Brown are, you'd have to find someone completey unlike them, and who knows, maybe this guy will be the third.

So now let's--yes, Ashley? Why yes, I did just say that James Brown and Gerald Ford were completely unlike. That's actually--did you notice that all by yourself? Huh. Imagine that. So yes, comparing them will be something of a challenge, won't it? You'll just have to assume that this challenge is exactly why I--no, you may not go to the restroom. Because I said so. Because class will be out in ten minutes. So let's just--listen, can we just get down to it, please? Thank you.

First off, James Brown and Gerald Ford were both famous. That's definitely something they had in common. And as we have all recently learned, there is nothing in the world better than being famous. Both of them were famous for falling: President Ford fell once, and was mocked for it for years by Chevy Chase; Mr. Brown fell to his knees all the time while performing "Please Please Please," but it was all just part of the act. James Brown elevated the pride of black people through his song "Say it Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud," and Gerald Ford saw black people through the window of his limousine sometimes.

And for contrast? Anyone? Yes, Ashley, what--yes indeed, that's quite true. James Brown helped invent funk music, he did indeed. But Gerald Ford--who was many things, and who we all should honor for ending the Watergate nightmare--Gerald Ford was never funky. A gold star for Ashley!