Lasers!

The last time I got my teeth cleaned, my dentist told me I had a little cavity. Needed to be filled.

Cue two weeks of dread.

Because I am a dental wimp of the first order. Do not like dental pain, no sir no how. It's so bad that when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I was so paranoid about the pain that even as I drifted into unconsciousness I actually resisted the anaesthetic--because my brain was thinking "Was that pain? Is it hurting now? Find the pain! Focus on it! Pain! Pain! Pain!" And then, fortunately, blissful unconsciousness at last took over.

So when I know I'm going to have to have a cavity dug out, I will spend the days before working myself up into a small frenzy of anticipatory pain. When it's about time to leave, I always have five or ten really great excuses as to why I should postpone. I go anyway because I have at least a little self-control, but by the time I get there I'm a barely-contained mess of dread and fear.

This time, the good Dr. Gordon said he was going to be using a laser instead of a drill. And really, there'd be no need for any anaesthetic at all.

Cue the comical double-take.

I took some novocaine anyway, because I just wasn't prepared to make that leap. So I got the long pinching piercing pain of a needle being stuck into my gums, then a little wait and then, aaaah, the spread of that delicious numbing sensation. Perfect. He began.

The device looks a little like an electric toothbrush, and it makes a clicking sound so you know when it's working. Of course it also leaves a considerable smell of burning tooth when it's working, so there's really no mistaking it. But in about a minute, it was done.

A second double-take. "What, that's it?" (Or rather, "Wha, assit?") "That's it."

No grinding, no drilling, no horrible zzzzzzzzzzzzz sound. No pressure. No pain. Nothing. The only painful part, by far, had been the needle with the novocaine—and now I was stuck with a numb mouth for the next four hours, unable to eat or drink without drooling all over myself.

This may be one of the greatest things I've ever had happen to me. (No, not the drooling.)  Really, I’m not kidding. It was that fantastic.

Every once in a while I think, "I was born at the wrong time. Should've been born during the Enlightenment, one of those periods when society actually cared about language and reason." (It's a fallacy, but that discussion is for another day.) But that thought is always followed by another: indoor plumbing and modern dentistry. And I would not live in any other time than this one right here now.

Lasers!