Surprise!

Q: Hey, Bob, where've you been lately?

A: Well, Robert, I was on the road.

Q: Really? I had no idea! Where were you?

A: I went home to too-sunny Florida, in order to surprise the family.

Q: Surprises? We like surprises!

A: Everybody likes surprises. In this case, my dad and my step-mother just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, so I conspired with my brother and sister to just kinda show up at a restaurant and surprise the heck out of them.

Q: And did it work? Boy, I sure hope so!

A: Yep, it worked just great. The trick was, because I was using frequent-flier miles, I had to take whichever flight American Airlines would give me, and the one I got put me in Ft. Lauderdale at 6:45 p.m. Saturday night. That meant I had to go from the airport straight to the restaurant, and if my flight was delayed, the whole thing could go south in a hurry.

Q: But that didn't happen, did it?

A: In fact the flight got in half an hour early. Clearly, the stars were aligned right. My step-mother was surprised, my dad was surprised, everything turned out just perfectly.

Q: Perfectly? So there wasn't a single glitch?

A: Well, okay, a little one--there was no way of knowing that Dad had a business trip on Monday, so actually I got to see very little of him. But hey, what can you do?

Q: Sounds like a terrific trip.

A: That's not really a question, is it?

Q: Work with me here.

A: Okay, fine. It was a terrific trip. As an added bonus, my grandfather and aunt (both on my mother's side) each have milestone birthdays in May, so on Sunday Mom and I drove up to Port St. Lucie to see them. I was therefore able to celebrate several occasions all at once, for what you might call family bonus points. A good time all around.

Q: Nifty keen. And your flight back? How was that?

A: You would have to bring that up. Turns out President Bush was also in South Florida, and he managed to delay me twice. First when his motorcade shut down parts of the freeway and snarled traffic, so that I got to the airport later than I had planned and made it to my plane with less than ten minutes to spare; then, after the plane pulled away from the gate, we were informed that because Air Force One was about to take off, all other flights would have to wait. That meant a further 45-minute delay, just sitting there on the tarmac, wedged in next to the football player with shoulders out to here.

Q: Does this mean you're about to wax political? Take some cheap shots at the President?

A: No I'm not, as a matter of fact. When the captain made his announcement he stressed that this is standard operating procedure with Air Force One, as true for Bush as for Clinton. It's a fair point, and you won't catch me trying to make hay out of it. (Much.)

Q: That's very admirable of you.

A: You know, it really is.